As many of you may know, I FINALLY made the committment and enrolled in the local junior college here in the Treasure Valley this semester. I am very excited. I've allowed a lot of negativity, criticism and mindless activities to distract me over the past decade, but I am happy to be back on track.
However, my decision to continue my education didn't come over night. I battled several mental roadblocks over the years. I struggled with self doubt: 'Would I be able to go back and succeed in school after all of these years?' Insecurity: 'Most of my former classmates have Bachelor degrees or their Masters; I will be starting over with many teenagers in my class.' Fear of debt: 'College tuition will put me in so much debt and I just can't handle all of the stress that financial bondage will bring upon me.' And worst of all, I struggled with thoughts of stagnancy: 'I'm a hard worker and have always successfully held down a couple jobs at a time; why do I need to go to college?'
All of these thoughts and fears prohibited me for years from developing my God given gifts of writing and memorization at a higher education level. Near the middle of last year, I came to the realization that my job that I'd had and absolutely loved for years could not pay me what I needed to make to send my son to daycare. I began to pray for God's direction, for a new job and for our needs to be met. I felt the answer was clear to me; I needed to go back to school. It wasn't just so I could be able to provide for my family. It was so much more than that. I had mentally resigned myself to be a hardworker, yet with no real thought or important opinion. I labeled myself as a person who was one anxiety attack away from the psych ward. And I lacked any real committment or focus in my life.
It was the perfect time for me to start over. As soon as I allowed God to direct my path and started thanking Him for His leading and provision, it's as if blessings, peace and favor began to flow into my life. Famous author, Og Mandino wrote, "Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence." This is my passage. I smile bigger, the music now plays sweeter and I am moving forward not only in my education, but forward in God. Another Mandino quote says this, "There is an immeasurable distance between late and too late." I may be a little late when it comes to going back to school and getting back on track with the Lord. But I have a merciful and loving God who has shown me that as long as I'm alive, it's never too late to run back into His arms and He will lead me down another rewarding and abundant path in life.
