Record

Sandra turns her head and sneaks a swipe at her tear-streaked mascara just before he rounds the corner. She opens her quivering hands to catch the boy as he high jumps up into them and plants a smooch on her lips. She forces a smile. Before her veneer of contentment vanishes, Sandra musters up a merry sounding, “It’s time to get ready for bed!” The few minutes that she has alone with her thoughts drag on. Sandra replays parts of the recent phone conversation over in her head. “Sandy, I know there’s no good time to tell you this, but I’ve found someone else.” Her husband’s words had left her momentarily paralyzed. Sandra knew that there had been turmoil in the marriage over the past few months, and Don had been spending more time at the office. But this news had genuinely caught her by surprise. “We’ve been together ten years, Don. How can you just call it quits so easily?” Her voice had become squeaky while the tone clearly implied the plea, ‘please give me another chance.’ “I’m sorry. I’ll pick up my things early next week. Tell Junior I love him.” And then Sandra had heard a click followed by a dial tone. Junior! For some reason, all she can think about is how the news will affect their son. Why did Don have to call right before Junior’s bedtime? Couldn’t he have waited until afterward? More thoughts jostle around in her mind; a pinball bouncing from bumper to flipper to spinner. How will this affect our dear boy? He's such a happy kid. Please God, protect him from self-blame and bitterness. Sandra unfurrows her brow as she hears a scrubbing sound coming down the hallway. A smile washes over her face as she watches her little boy hurriedly brush over his incisors and completely skip the molars. While he hesitantly passes the toothbrush to his mother, the four year old prepares to make a getaway. Their nightly ritual. She eventually catches up with the bolt of energy that dodged her for a good five minutes and splays the boy across her lap. Now it is her turn to do a more extensive detailing of his mouth. He feigns a struggle as if she was the actual dentist, torturing him with drills and needles; but this is just the game they play. It has come time for his second wardrobe change of the day. His pajama personas vary nightly. Superheroes play a major role in his sleep attire; Batman the victor tonight. Continuing on to a calmer activity, the twosome retires to the child’s bed to read the story of butterflies’ life cycle. Story time is interactive. Sandra praises Junior for knowing what a pupa is and encourages his curiosity about the different markings on each individual style of butterfly’s wings. As her son shares his recent sighting of a pupa at Grammy’s house with her, Sandra can’t help but make a mental memory. This is her favorite time of day; their evening traditions. How she would love to continue their nightly customs for twenty more years. Brushing battles, chasing each other, and reading adventures. But she knows that time and aging are inseparable. And she can only hope that Don’s recent news won’t age Junior any faster. When the caterpillar has finally become an adult butterfly, the lights are dimmed and hugs are exchanged. Lying next to her most precious gift, Sandra begins to caress Junior’s long fingers. “One day, these hands are going to do great things,” she prophesies. The child’s figure rises in the darkened room. “Like juggling?”

Blessed

You may ask me if I believe in God,
I say yes because He answered my prayers.
Just tonight, I witnessed the sensitivity
Of my boy, the boy who was rescued by
The prompting of God's Helper...His Spirit.
Out of the blue, my boy thanked God for his
Family; his number one joy in life. And each
Day this boy surprises me with his brilliance,
Sensitivity and extroverted personality.
Why am I surprised when these are the very
Qualities that I spoke over him before he
Was born? I would have to say that my God
Has given me a boy 'beyond that I could
Have asked or imagined.' I am humbled to be
This child's mother. I am grateful for the
Support system we have been provided with.
And I am amazed at the lessons which I have
Learned from 'the mouth of this babe.' I am
By no means a perfect mother; perhaps I was
Not meant to be a parent. Yet, my God has
Shown His grace and gifted me with a child I
Did not deserve. My heart is continually filled
With love everytime I look upon my boy's face.
Is this the way God feels when He looks at us?
Does He continually sing our praises and brag
About our accomplishments? I'd like to think
So. Not because of what we've done, but simply
Who we are: His children. Regardless, I cannot
Deny that I have been undeservedly blessed; a gift
Of favor that constantly amazes me.

Consensual Control

Deliberate on the extent of your consensual control
A matrimonial vow to obey can collar your freedom
Rules must be set before you play a role

There is nothing wrong with a submissive soul
If the servile one masters their character’s craft
Deliberate on the extent of your consensual control

A famine of fear between the two players is the goal
Tethered by a mutual commitment to the game
Rules must be set before you play a role

Shackled to your spouse can take its toll
A high pain tolerance can help the bond last
Deliberate on the extent of your consensual control

Can you be their ‘Puppy,’ or at times their ‘Troll;’
Showered with kisses then emotionally ignored?
Rules must be set before you play a role

This game of life doesn’t have to be dull
Just know your limits and always remember—
Deliberate on the extent of your consensual control
Rules must be set before you play a role

Elemental Transformation

Her ever focus on the floor, her omission of opinion,
She was as talc or gypsum;
Fragile from his scoffs at other women her size,
And her lack of education.
Temperature—
Her attention averted to their unplanned newborn,
Only two hands to take care of the boy.
Ignoring the quiet whispers of condemnation;
The girl’s tenacity growing as obsidian.
Pressure—
Closest kin instantly her accepting allies;
A parish of parents.
Encouraged by this entourage,
Her textural transformation becomes crystalline.
Association of new elements—
Making decisions for her little family,
A gem has formed.
Polished by tumbling and getting back up;
Valuable and desired.
Refined.

My Mommy

Over the last couple of Mother's Days, I have explained how insanely in love I am with my son, Reuel. But this year, I have to give credit where credit is due...to my own mother, for showing me what unconditional love is all about.

Dear Mommy,

First of all, I want to tell you that I love you dearly. We have always maintained our friendship; a bond which I cherish deeply. Even when I was a teenager and we got into fights before school, you could always count on an apologetic call from me before lunch began. I could never stay mad at you. Your peaceful spirit and wise advice helped me overcome the anger and impatience inside me, and I felt much better after I made that repentant call.

As I became an adult, unfortunately there were some incorrect decisions that I made; and this Mother's Day one specific memory of your loving kindness toward me comes to mind. It is of the day I called you up and relayed the news of my pregnancy; the day I walked out of the abortion clinic and decided to keep my baby. I was afraid to call you, ashamed and scared. You could have judged me for my actions, you could have turned your back on me. But as my mommy, you knew exactly what I needed...unconditional love. You insisted that we should meet up that weekend; a time I will never forget. I was all alone with a racing mind and a heavy heart, but you came to my rescue...to my baby's rescue. You spoke words of encouragement and told me that you 'felt a connection' with my baby already. How could you know that was what I needed to hear? A mother's love.

Over the next few months you taught me to pray over my baby and to speak over him. I was a faithful student under your tutelage. You helped me become excited for his grand entrance into this world by choosing his nickname, Roo; thereby, making me realize that I, indeed, had a live baby growing inside of me. Mommy, you were the best birthing partner an expectant mother could ask for. You took me to Confident Birthing classes and stood by me when I was the only single mother in that course. You helped me to become completely confident in my pregnancy and labor; I was not afraid or uncertain in my birthing plan.

As I look back over my pregnancy labor, I remember one distinct act you did that meant the world to me...you unclenched my fists to help me relax. This act symbolizes your entire role in the pregnancy, labor, birth and life of my son. By metaphorically 'unclenching my fists' through teaching me about parenting, being available to help me watch him and most importantly, loving both of us, you have helped me relax as a mother and raise a boy with a beautiful spirit. We will be forever grateful for your love, compassion and support and for being the third part to our Roo Sandwich.

I love you, Mommy! Happy Mother's Day!

Love,

Miss Jillian

Fantastic Four

Precious boy, today you are a FANTASTIC FOUR year old.
As I reflect on your life, I can't help but smile;
Of course, ALL children are a blessing from God,
But Reuel, I have been personally blessed by your presence.

From the moment you entered this world, you just knew what to do.
Breastfeeding...no problem, Your first steps...right on schedule
Potty training...smooth sailing, Making new friends...you are Mr. Gregarious.
This inexperienced momma was blessed with a quick learner.

Your joyous countenance creates a sense of unity.
Your excitement to visit all of your relatives has fortified my own bond with them.
Prejudicial bondages have even been broken by people who have encountered your smile.
You have been blessed with the joy of the Lord; its effects are contagious.

The sensitivity within you quells my moments of impatience and self-doubt.
Your encouraging words spoken in soft, confident tones bring me to tears,
Your arms wrapped around me and the kisses you plant on my cheeks are heavenly.
Through your embraces, I am blessed with a supernatural peace.

Your teachable heart and obedient nature are currently being cultivated.
As we work on these issues, I recognize and appreciate your willingness to comply.
I am confident that your character will reflect respectfulness and a zeal to learn.
For I am blessed with many family members to help with my consistency in parenting.

Reuel William, you are truly FANTASTIC at age four.
Your birth story was inspiring, but your amazing purpose has yet to be fulfilled.
May you continue to bring joy, peace and unity to everyone around you,
And may FANTASTIC blessings follow you to five, six, seven and beyond!