Recently,I've been working with my nearly 3 year old son on the concept of obedience. As any normal child, he's at the stage where he's learning that he's not an appendage of his mom and he actually has a mind of his own. So for instance, when momma says that he needs to turn off the TV because it's time to eat, he naturally tries to see how long he can get away with watching his cartoon before he is threatened with disciplinary action.
I've tried many of the obedience methods out there. There's the 1...2...3 method; of course most kids wait until right before their parent says 3 before they start to respond. Or there's the promise of some sort of treat if they complete the specific task that is commanded of them; and my son ALWAYS remembers about the treat at the end...even if it's been several hours. Or some people even threaten to take away something dear to the child if they fail to obey. No matter which technique a parent decides to use; the goal is the same: to get your child to follow your instructions without questioning, whining or dragging their feet.
As I began this process with my son, a thought struck me. How can we expect our children to obey us in this manner if we blatantly disobey God's Word? I began to analyze my own life and the strongholds that had stunted me from being obedient myself. Tithing was a big issue that had held me back for years. Sure, I had heard numerous messages on how important it was, I clearly knew what God's Word said about it. But I just figured that I could somehow 'pick and choose' which commands of His I wanted to obey and which ones I could conveniently dismiss as mere suggestions.
As this revelation of my disregard for God's command tugged at my conscience, I looked for examples of obedience in the Bible. I had the perfect example right in front of me: a Son obeying His Father, even to the point of death. Philippians 2:8 "And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Jesus was exalted because He obeyed His Father's command.
With further research I found that we will also reap rewards if we obey. Job 36:11 states that "If they obey and serve Him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures."
I don't know about you, but I want prosperity and a long, fulfilling life for both me and my son. I began tithing regularly a few weeks ago and already I have seen financial increase and favor in my life. In addition, I've noticed a great improvement in my son's obedience toward me. I am learning to lead my son not only with my words but by example.
Aristotle and Benjamin Franklin both said in their own different versions: "He that cannot obey, cannot command."
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
All A Matter of The Tongue
The Tongue.
Such a small instrument with a huge responsibility.
What flows off of yours on a regular basis?
Words of encouragement to a friend?
A testimony of God's goodness, perhaps.
Do you vocalize your appreciation for His financial provision?
Or profess a declaration of health over your family?
Don't you know that death and life are in the power of the tongue?
Christ's death and resurrection bought back our dominion over the earth.
As believers, we've been given the authority to rebuke sickness, pain and death.
We now have the ability to 'speak to our mountain,' and tell it to be removed;
If only we believe.
Let's look at our problems or circumstances thru God's eyes;
Jesus ALREADY won the battle for us.
He took sickness, disease, poverty and oppression to the cross for us;
Why should we accept that which He's already taken care of?
To do so would be to trivialize His sacrifice for us.
Rather live an abundant life.
Thank the Lord for the health of your family.
Use faith, the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Praise Him for His provision.
Speak words of wisdom and knowledge over your children,
And declarations of unity and love over your marriage.
With the Truth on our lips and in our hearts,
Our lives will be a testament of God's goodness.
And the world will see a difference;
For we are called, 'the light of the world.'
Let your light so shine.
~'Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord...' Psalm 19:14
Such a small instrument with a huge responsibility.
What flows off of yours on a regular basis?
Words of encouragement to a friend?
A testimony of God's goodness, perhaps.
Do you vocalize your appreciation for His financial provision?
Or profess a declaration of health over your family?
Don't you know that death and life are in the power of the tongue?
Christ's death and resurrection bought back our dominion over the earth.
As believers, we've been given the authority to rebuke sickness, pain and death.
We now have the ability to 'speak to our mountain,' and tell it to be removed;
If only we believe.
Let's look at our problems or circumstances thru God's eyes;
Jesus ALREADY won the battle for us.
He took sickness, disease, poverty and oppression to the cross for us;
Why should we accept that which He's already taken care of?
To do so would be to trivialize His sacrifice for us.
Rather live an abundant life.
Thank the Lord for the health of your family.
Use faith, the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Praise Him for His provision.
Speak words of wisdom and knowledge over your children,
And declarations of unity and love over your marriage.
With the Truth on our lips and in our hearts,
Our lives will be a testament of God's goodness.
And the world will see a difference;
For we are called, 'the light of the world.'
Let your light so shine.
~'Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord...' Psalm 19:14
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Prayer for my Son
Sometimes I wonder who you'll become.
An athlete? A musician?
A comedian or a soldier?
What should I be doing to prepare you for your future?
Should I toss you a ball?
Have you take swimming lessons?
Such pressure on a mother to detect talent at an early age.
Of course I want you to succeed; that's my mission.
But sometimes I feel that I fall short, as I am but one woman raising a boy.
Lord, show me the direction in which to lead my son.
Though he does not have an active father figure in his life,
Your Word says that You are a Father of the fatherless.
Fill that paternal void in his life.
Thank you for providing godly and moral male role models
For my son within my family and the church body who can mentor him
Until I find the man who is right to fill that fatherly role.
Before he was born, thru Your Word I spoke my boy's qualities into existence.
He is EXACTLY who I wanted him to be.
I give You praise for empowering me with your wisdom and love,
For your compassion and discernment.
And for providing us with a support system beyond our greatest expectations.
We are TRULY blessed.
As Hannah dedicated her son, Samuel to God;
So I give Reuel to You.
Help me to use Your Word as a manual in which to raise him by.
Build my patience level; give me peace.
NEVER let me forget the blessing that he has been in my life.
Lord, You know what Reuel was created for.
I pray that he'll be a malleable vessel for You to use.
Sensitive to Your Word, yet strong in his convictions.
May Truth and Life proceed from his mouth.
And healing in his touch.
I will NOT worry what my son will become.
He is already "a friend of God;" that is his namesake.
He has the effective prayers of his family,
But most of all...he has the Promises of his Father.
With this combination, there is NOTHING that can stand in his way.
An athlete? A musician?
A comedian or a soldier?
What should I be doing to prepare you for your future?
Should I toss you a ball?
Have you take swimming lessons?
Such pressure on a mother to detect talent at an early age.
Of course I want you to succeed; that's my mission.
But sometimes I feel that I fall short, as I am but one woman raising a boy.
Lord, show me the direction in which to lead my son.
Though he does not have an active father figure in his life,
Your Word says that You are a Father of the fatherless.
Fill that paternal void in his life.
Thank you for providing godly and moral male role models
For my son within my family and the church body who can mentor him
Until I find the man who is right to fill that fatherly role.
Before he was born, thru Your Word I spoke my boy's qualities into existence.
He is EXACTLY who I wanted him to be.
I give You praise for empowering me with your wisdom and love,
For your compassion and discernment.
And for providing us with a support system beyond our greatest expectations.
We are TRULY blessed.
As Hannah dedicated her son, Samuel to God;
So I give Reuel to You.
Help me to use Your Word as a manual in which to raise him by.
Build my patience level; give me peace.
NEVER let me forget the blessing that he has been in my life.
Lord, You know what Reuel was created for.
I pray that he'll be a malleable vessel for You to use.
Sensitive to Your Word, yet strong in his convictions.
May Truth and Life proceed from his mouth.
And healing in his touch.
I will NOT worry what my son will become.
He is already "a friend of God;" that is his namesake.
He has the effective prayers of his family,
But most of all...he has the Promises of his Father.
With this combination, there is NOTHING that can stand in his way.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Over a Belt?!
Giving. A staple in the Christian world. A concept that has been instilled within me for as long as I can remember. It's always been easy for me to 'give the shirt off my back' to those in need; even when it's something that I consider a prized possession. So, it was such a shock to me this morning when I lost my temper over the loss of a measly belt that could have been replaced for under $20.
Ironically, I am currently in the process of purging items in my household that I no longer need. Clothes that I haven't worn in the past year, articles of clothing that my son has so rapidly grown out of, even some items of furniture that I felt the need to give away. My dad has so graciously given up a few weeks of his time to come and help me thru this ordeal. While I'm at work, he's busy taking all of these goods to the thrift store, keeping the house clean and watching my son. He's also given me a chance to go out for some much needed free time where I can take a break from being 'momma' and just be Miss Jillian.
Taking full advantage of my free time, I recently went shopping and bought some new clothes. I was stoked! I had already mentally picked out the outfit I was going to wear to work today and when I went to look for it...the belt was missing. I quickly came to the conclusion that it must have accidentally been taken to the thrift store. At that moment, I allowed ALL of my frustrations to come out...sadly, my dad became the sounding board for my erratic rantings and ravings.
I began to complain that I wasn't able to have as nice of furniture as I would like because I had a 2 1/2 year old who would destroy it; I griped about lack of child support and I ranted that I was SICK of sacrificing so much in my life because I was a single mom. At that point in my outburt, I realized what I was saying.
Inwardly, I began to wonder, What if Jesus would have said that HE was sick of being the sacrifice for us right before he was placed on the cross? What happened to my faith in MY PROVIDER? And why was I being so materialistic?
I began to meditate on Jesus' words at that point, "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” Luke 12:15
I felt a bit better, I was replacing my resentment and anger with the Word. I mentally flipped over to another passage, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
Humbled by the Truth, I apologized to my dad for directing my outburts at him and walked out the door with the final passage on my heart, “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:31-33
A couple hours later my dad called me up and said, "You'll never guess what Roo came out of the room wearing around his waist..."
Ironically, I am currently in the process of purging items in my household that I no longer need. Clothes that I haven't worn in the past year, articles of clothing that my son has so rapidly grown out of, even some items of furniture that I felt the need to give away. My dad has so graciously given up a few weeks of his time to come and help me thru this ordeal. While I'm at work, he's busy taking all of these goods to the thrift store, keeping the house clean and watching my son. He's also given me a chance to go out for some much needed free time where I can take a break from being 'momma' and just be Miss Jillian.
Taking full advantage of my free time, I recently went shopping and bought some new clothes. I was stoked! I had already mentally picked out the outfit I was going to wear to work today and when I went to look for it...the belt was missing. I quickly came to the conclusion that it must have accidentally been taken to the thrift store. At that moment, I allowed ALL of my frustrations to come out...sadly, my dad became the sounding board for my erratic rantings and ravings.
I began to complain that I wasn't able to have as nice of furniture as I would like because I had a 2 1/2 year old who would destroy it; I griped about lack of child support and I ranted that I was SICK of sacrificing so much in my life because I was a single mom. At that point in my outburt, I realized what I was saying.
Inwardly, I began to wonder, What if Jesus would have said that HE was sick of being the sacrifice for us right before he was placed on the cross? What happened to my faith in MY PROVIDER? And why was I being so materialistic?
I began to meditate on Jesus' words at that point, "Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” Luke 12:15
I felt a bit better, I was replacing my resentment and anger with the Word. I mentally flipped over to another passage, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21
Humbled by the Truth, I apologized to my dad for directing my outburts at him and walked out the door with the final passage on my heart, “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." Matthew 6:31-33
A couple hours later my dad called me up and said, "You'll never guess what Roo came out of the room wearing around his waist..."
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Perfect Reunion
I admit...I was a bit nervous to attend my 10 year high school reunion. I had heard several people's accounts of their reunion experience and some of them weren't too positive. There was the girl who was promised by her best friend that she'd show up at the reunion and her friend failed to show. And there was the class who failed to let go of their high school cliche's even after 10 years. I didn't know what to expect.
I'm a single mom who didn't finish college; what could I brag about that I had accomplished in the past decade? What would I say when my former classmates asked me what I did for a living? Would I embellish my occupation? Would I make excuses why I hadn't accomplished more?
I realized that wasn't me. So I simply asked my best friend of about 15 years who went to high school with me to accompany me to the reunion. Being the great friend that she is, she agreed. A couple days before the reunion, I asked myself a question: "Are you happy with who you are today?" My answer was yes. This answer made me much more confident as the time of the reunion drew near.
The day of the reunion, I made a point to address all of my former classmates and tell them hi. Our small class embraced each other and it was as if time stood still except this time there was no drama or criticism. We talked, we laughed and we reminisced until late in the evening. We didn't want the night to end; we even said that we wanted to make this reunion every 5 years instead of an entire decade.
As I went home that night, I thanked God for who I had become. I may not have earned a BA or a Masters; and I'm not married, but I have a love for God, a love for my son and a wonderful job that allows me to provide for and spend time with my boy and for that I am eternally grateful.
Not only did this reunion help me gain an appreciation for myself and where I am at this point in my life, it also gave me an opportunity to build life long friendships; the kind that endures way past a decade. And may the next ten years bring each of us success, joy and most importantly...closer to God.
I'm a single mom who didn't finish college; what could I brag about that I had accomplished in the past decade? What would I say when my former classmates asked me what I did for a living? Would I embellish my occupation? Would I make excuses why I hadn't accomplished more?
I realized that wasn't me. So I simply asked my best friend of about 15 years who went to high school with me to accompany me to the reunion. Being the great friend that she is, she agreed. A couple days before the reunion, I asked myself a question: "Are you happy with who you are today?" My answer was yes. This answer made me much more confident as the time of the reunion drew near.
The day of the reunion, I made a point to address all of my former classmates and tell them hi. Our small class embraced each other and it was as if time stood still except this time there was no drama or criticism. We talked, we laughed and we reminisced until late in the evening. We didn't want the night to end; we even said that we wanted to make this reunion every 5 years instead of an entire decade.
As I went home that night, I thanked God for who I had become. I may not have earned a BA or a Masters; and I'm not married, but I have a love for God, a love for my son and a wonderful job that allows me to provide for and spend time with my boy and for that I am eternally grateful.
Not only did this reunion help me gain an appreciation for myself and where I am at this point in my life, it also gave me an opportunity to build life long friendships; the kind that endures way past a decade. And may the next ten years bring each of us success, joy and most importantly...closer to God.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Gift
I have been blessed.
How? You ask.
Let me explain.
When I was lost...when I was living for myself,
I was given a gift.
At the time, I didn't realize he was a gift.
My soul was tortured, my mind was controlled.
I would get rid of this gift, that was my choice.
But God, you are good. You are love.
You showed me the future of the course that I was on.
And you gave me the courage to walk away from that destructive path.
I repented and I accepted your love and the gift you'd given me.
Your peace enveloped me and in you my faith grew.
I dedicated my gift to you, because without you he would not exist.
To this day I am amazed at the gift you gave to me.
I did not deserve him.
I was not prepared for such an awesome gift.
But you looked at my heart.
You knew that I would love this gift.
That I would appreciate him EVERYDAY.
That I would do my best to mold this gift into someone extrodinary in your eyes.
So now I say thank you.
Thank you for this gift.
Though I don't feel worthy of him or of the challenge to raise him properly in your eyes, I ask for your strength, for your wisdom and for your discernment to be the best steward I can of the gift that you've blessed me with.
And may his legacy reveal a strong reflection of you and your unfailing love for all.
How? You ask.
Let me explain.
When I was lost...when I was living for myself,
I was given a gift.
At the time, I didn't realize he was a gift.
My soul was tortured, my mind was controlled.
I would get rid of this gift, that was my choice.
But God, you are good. You are love.
You showed me the future of the course that I was on.
And you gave me the courage to walk away from that destructive path.
I repented and I accepted your love and the gift you'd given me.
Your peace enveloped me and in you my faith grew.
I dedicated my gift to you, because without you he would not exist.
To this day I am amazed at the gift you gave to me.
I did not deserve him.
I was not prepared for such an awesome gift.
But you looked at my heart.
You knew that I would love this gift.
That I would appreciate him EVERYDAY.
That I would do my best to mold this gift into someone extrodinary in your eyes.
So now I say thank you.
Thank you for this gift.
Though I don't feel worthy of him or of the challenge to raise him properly in your eyes, I ask for your strength, for your wisdom and for your discernment to be the best steward I can of the gift that you've blessed me with.
And may his legacy reveal a strong reflection of you and your unfailing love for all.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Long live...US ALL
Over the past couple weeks we've been bombarded by the tragic news of the death of several famous and iconic people. From Ed McMahon to Farrah Fawcett and from Michael Jackson to salesman, Billy Mays; the compounding news of each loss in such a short time span began to weigh heavily on my heart. We were being inundated with death and the realization that mortality does not discriminate based on social status or age hit me.
Upon hearing the various medical causes of death of these public figures including pneumonia, cancer, heart problems and even alleged drug overdose, I began to take an introspective analysis of my own life. And I found risky behavior, nutritional neglect, and unnecessary stressors that could all lead to my premature demise if I didn't address each one of them soon.
I realized that my first change needed to come from the heart. Proverbs 3:1-2 tells us, "Do not forget my(God's)law, but let your heart keep my commands; for length of days and long life and peace they will add to you." As I began to draw closer to God, many harmful habits in my life that needed to be dealt with were revealed to me.
Now that the spiritual issues were being addressed, it was time for me to reflect on the physical aspects of increasing my quality of life. I had become lackadaisical in my workouts; I had replaced most of my evening jogs with lying on the couch and watching the TV. Whatsmore, I had also traded in my healthy, home-cooked meals for fast food on a more regular basis. Consequently, the money being wasted on this unhealthy habit had highlighted my third problem area of mental stressors which manifest itself thru financial lack.
Poor money management and thoughtless spending sprees had caused unnecessary stress in my life. I had been blaming other people for my financial lack all along when I came to the awareness that my job provided me with enough income to live comfortably if I cut out all the superfluous shopping.
With little recent changes such as reviving my running routine, eating a more balanced diet, cutting down on trips to the store and living more within my means, I believe I have increased my quality level of life. Furthermore, allowing God to work on my heart has brought me peace, joy and confidence.
This healing process reminds me of part of a Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem in which he states, "Joy and Temperance and Repose slam the door on the doctor's nose."
So, I encourage you to do an honest evaluation of your own life and address the issues that may be stunting your longevity. Maybe you have a tendancy to speed in your car, or perhaps you don't wait long enough after your last drink before you drive. Have you been putting off that routine doctor's exam? Or maybe it's just as simple as adopting a more optimistic attitude in life and giving all of your worries to God. Whatever your personal analysis reveals, please take action immediately...don't wait. You have people in your life who care about you and people who rely on you to live a long, abundant life.
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
~Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson
Upon hearing the various medical causes of death of these public figures including pneumonia, cancer, heart problems and even alleged drug overdose, I began to take an introspective analysis of my own life. And I found risky behavior, nutritional neglect, and unnecessary stressors that could all lead to my premature demise if I didn't address each one of them soon.
I realized that my first change needed to come from the heart. Proverbs 3:1-2 tells us, "Do not forget my(God's)law, but let your heart keep my commands; for length of days and long life and peace they will add to you." As I began to draw closer to God, many harmful habits in my life that needed to be dealt with were revealed to me.
Now that the spiritual issues were being addressed, it was time for me to reflect on the physical aspects of increasing my quality of life. I had become lackadaisical in my workouts; I had replaced most of my evening jogs with lying on the couch and watching the TV. Whatsmore, I had also traded in my healthy, home-cooked meals for fast food on a more regular basis. Consequently, the money being wasted on this unhealthy habit had highlighted my third problem area of mental stressors which manifest itself thru financial lack.
Poor money management and thoughtless spending sprees had caused unnecessary stress in my life. I had been blaming other people for my financial lack all along when I came to the awareness that my job provided me with enough income to live comfortably if I cut out all the superfluous shopping.
With little recent changes such as reviving my running routine, eating a more balanced diet, cutting down on trips to the store and living more within my means, I believe I have increased my quality level of life. Furthermore, allowing God to work on my heart has brought me peace, joy and confidence.
This healing process reminds me of part of a Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem in which he states, "Joy and Temperance and Repose slam the door on the doctor's nose."
So, I encourage you to do an honest evaluation of your own life and address the issues that may be stunting your longevity. Maybe you have a tendancy to speed in your car, or perhaps you don't wait long enough after your last drink before you drive. Have you been putting off that routine doctor's exam? Or maybe it's just as simple as adopting a more optimistic attitude in life and giving all of your worries to God. Whatever your personal analysis reveals, please take action immediately...don't wait. You have people in your life who care about you and people who rely on you to live a long, abundant life.
I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
~Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Do What I Say AND What I Do.
"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."
An interesting quote from American writer, Clarence Budington Kelland; however, it's ineffectiveness lies in the lack of instruction from a father to his son.
Today in our society, fatherhood has taken backseat to motherhood in the parental heirarchy. In many cases, a father's authority is undermined and even flat out ignored by their children. The mother is viewed as the nurturer, the educator and the disciplinarian while the father's sole task is to provide financially for his family. This change of parental duties over the past few decades has damaged the family unit and produced a generation of kids who have a disrespect for authority in general.
I know a true life story of a boy who was raised in a two parent home. The father was rarely there and his discipline was almost non-existent. When the boy was sent home from school for misbehaving, he would always call his father to come pick him up because he knew that he would not be punished by him. Due to his father's lack of involvement in his life, the mother had to step up and become the disciplinarian, the nurturer, the educator and often the financial provider. As a result, the boy failed to learn many important life lessons. Whatsmore, when the boy had a child of his own, he depended on his child's mother to take on all of those roles that his own mother had been given when raising him. The parental example he'd seen as a child was all he knew; a father's role was not necessary, thus the cycle of a somewhat uninvolved father would continue.
But fathers, your role is extremely important. You need to stand up and take back that leadership role in your family. Not by physical force or verbal threats, but earn their respect and teach your kids the true character of a man. Show respect for your children's mother and work together as her ally in your joint parental duties.
Ephesians 6:4 says, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Fathers, one of your duties is to instill within your children the difference between right and wrong or good and evil. Consistently show them the rewards of good behavior and the consequences of their bad behavior.
Protect your children and keep them out of harmful situations. Sigmund Freud once said, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." This goes for children of all ages...even teenagers. They may not seem like they care, but children want to feel that they have a dad who will stand up for them and be their defender.
But most of all, fathers need to be an example and live by the same moral, ethical, and spiritual guidelines that they have trained their children to follow. All the teaching, discipline and protection a father provides hinges on how he lives his own life. Children are both perceptive and impressionable and can spot hypocrisy quite easily. And hypocrisy can undo a lifetime worth of righteous admonition. Of course, no parent is perfect but as the old adage goes,
"A good example has twice the value of good advice."
Happy Father's Day!!
An interesting quote from American writer, Clarence Budington Kelland; however, it's ineffectiveness lies in the lack of instruction from a father to his son.
Today in our society, fatherhood has taken backseat to motherhood in the parental heirarchy. In many cases, a father's authority is undermined and even flat out ignored by their children. The mother is viewed as the nurturer, the educator and the disciplinarian while the father's sole task is to provide financially for his family. This change of parental duties over the past few decades has damaged the family unit and produced a generation of kids who have a disrespect for authority in general.
I know a true life story of a boy who was raised in a two parent home. The father was rarely there and his discipline was almost non-existent. When the boy was sent home from school for misbehaving, he would always call his father to come pick him up because he knew that he would not be punished by him. Due to his father's lack of involvement in his life, the mother had to step up and become the disciplinarian, the nurturer, the educator and often the financial provider. As a result, the boy failed to learn many important life lessons. Whatsmore, when the boy had a child of his own, he depended on his child's mother to take on all of those roles that his own mother had been given when raising him. The parental example he'd seen as a child was all he knew; a father's role was not necessary, thus the cycle of a somewhat uninvolved father would continue.
But fathers, your role is extremely important. You need to stand up and take back that leadership role in your family. Not by physical force or verbal threats, but earn their respect and teach your kids the true character of a man. Show respect for your children's mother and work together as her ally in your joint parental duties.
Ephesians 6:4 says, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." Fathers, one of your duties is to instill within your children the difference between right and wrong or good and evil. Consistently show them the rewards of good behavior and the consequences of their bad behavior.
Protect your children and keep them out of harmful situations. Sigmund Freud once said, "I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." This goes for children of all ages...even teenagers. They may not seem like they care, but children want to feel that they have a dad who will stand up for them and be their defender.
But most of all, fathers need to be an example and live by the same moral, ethical, and spiritual guidelines that they have trained their children to follow. All the teaching, discipline and protection a father provides hinges on how he lives his own life. Children are both perceptive and impressionable and can spot hypocrisy quite easily. And hypocrisy can undo a lifetime worth of righteous admonition. Of course, no parent is perfect but as the old adage goes,
"A good example has twice the value of good advice."
Happy Father's Day!!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
No love like a MOTHER'S LOVE
This is my third time celebrating Mother's Day and I STILL can't believe how blessed I am to have Mr Reuel William. I've NEVER thought of myself as the "motherly" type. I've been spontaneous, impatient, vain, and stubborn pretty much my whole life. When I got pregnant, I knew things would be different; I knew I would have to become more responsible and that my life would change forever. But I had NO IDEA what being a mom meant until I held Mr Roo in my arms for the first time. LOVE is the PERFECT word to describe what a mother feels at that moment when she holds her baby for the first time. Think about it...a mother often goes thru HOURS of laborious contractions, exhaustion and immense pressure and once the baby comes out...ALL of that pain is instantly forgotten and her emotions are that of joy and love. Personally, I don't remember what the pain of childbirth feels like even after less than 3 years; but I ABSOLUTELY remember how I felt when Mr Roo was placed in my arms.
Motherhood is MORE than just making it thru childbirth though; it's a DAILY lifestyle choice. It's putting your child's needs above your feelings. It's getting along with your spouse or ex even when it's hard. It's sticking with a daily routine so your child feels stability. It's encouraging them EVERY DAY by telling them how smart they are and how much you love them. It's reading to them and teaching them how to interact with others. And most importantly, a mother's job is to introduce their child to God.
Because I KNEW I lacked basic mothering skills in the beginning; I vowed that I would not only work on them, but I would also use my strength which was allowing God's love to shine thru me so that Roo would feel His love. And secondly, I relied on family to HELP me love Roo. I believe it DOES take a village to raise a child properly. It takes supportive family members, it takes caring teachers, it takes encouraging fellow church members, it takes understanding boss' and co-workers; but it all begins with a mother's UNCONDITIONAL love and devotion to 'raise up her child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it.' Prov. 22:6
The perfect mother is NOT a 'perfect mother,' but a mother who realizes her mission is to raise her child to understand their purpose in life and help them anyway she can to fulfill that purpose.
Happy Mother's Day!!
Motherhood is MORE than just making it thru childbirth though; it's a DAILY lifestyle choice. It's putting your child's needs above your feelings. It's getting along with your spouse or ex even when it's hard. It's sticking with a daily routine so your child feels stability. It's encouraging them EVERY DAY by telling them how smart they are and how much you love them. It's reading to them and teaching them how to interact with others. And most importantly, a mother's job is to introduce their child to God.
Because I KNEW I lacked basic mothering skills in the beginning; I vowed that I would not only work on them, but I would also use my strength which was allowing God's love to shine thru me so that Roo would feel His love. And secondly, I relied on family to HELP me love Roo. I believe it DOES take a village to raise a child properly. It takes supportive family members, it takes caring teachers, it takes encouraging fellow church members, it takes understanding boss' and co-workers; but it all begins with a mother's UNCONDITIONAL love and devotion to 'raise up her child in the way they should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it.' Prov. 22:6
The perfect mother is NOT a 'perfect mother,' but a mother who realizes her mission is to raise her child to understand their purpose in life and help them anyway she can to fulfill that purpose.
Happy Mother's Day!!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
From the Boss' Prospective...
The following is a somewhat harshly over-exaggerated yet interesting hypothetical letter from a boss to his employees. Although I obviously don't agree with ALL the ideals this letter points out, as an employee AND soon-to-be small business owner, I gained a new perspective of how "the boss" thinks as well as a deeper understanding of how vital it is to reward entrepreneurship ESPECIALLY in this current struggling economic time. Enjoy! :)
To All My Valued Employees,
There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country. (I know some of you will stop here, but please keep reading) However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.
First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life. However, what you don't see is the back story.
I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.. My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company.. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.
Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the Goodwill store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury.. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.
So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... You never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made.
Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.
Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds. Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:
I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 forquarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch
The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy?Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country. The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you?That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.
Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what?Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.
When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.
So where am I going with all this? It's quite simple.
If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.
Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.
If you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....
Signed,
Your boss
"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
- Thomas Jefferson
To All My Valued Employees,
There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job. What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country. (I know some of you will stop here, but please keep reading) However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interests.
First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story. This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life. However, what you don't see is the back story.
I started this company 28 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living apartment was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.. My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company.. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.
Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the Goodwill store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's. My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury.. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.
So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button for me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to my hip like a 1 year old special-needs child. You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... You never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made.
Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't. The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for.
Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds. Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:
I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 forquarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch
The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy?Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check? Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country. The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you?That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy.
Here is what many of you don't understand ... to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what?Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.
When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the poor of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine. Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep.
So where am I going with all this? It's quite simple.
If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more.
Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire. You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.
If you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about....
Signed,
Your boss
"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who are not."
- Thomas Jefferson
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Let it go....
Just... let it go. This has been my personal mantra over the past couple months. I have ALWAYS been quite a vocal advocate for fairness. I can't exactly recall when I became so passionate about this concept. Was it when I got grounded as a teenager and couldn't go out on Halloween night because I failed to tell my parents that my little brother showed me that he had marijuana? Was it the fact that I felt my parents held me to a higher moral standard than my brothers just because I was a girl? Maybe it all began when I was unable to go to the amusement park with my classmates in junior high due to a near failing math grade which was the result of poor teaching in which the teacher was actually fired at the end of that year. In all of these cases, I remember saying...let me rephrase that...I remember shouting, THAT'S NOT FAIR!!
As an adult and especially as a single mom, I've had ample opportunities to rant about how unjust circumstances in life can be. And to be honest, I have let my emotions get the best of me on several occasions as I complained about the injustices of child support or my lack of social freedom or even about how different my body is now that I've had a child. I have struggled with this quest for fairness incessantly.
This 'eye for an eye' concept is surprisingly a biblical command. In Exodus 21: 23-25, God tells his people, the Israelites:
But if any harm follows, then you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe."
A most appealing principle, I have to admit. Especially if it were to apply to recent relationship and parenting situations I've been through lately. But as I read further, I realize that this rule was made before we were saved by God's grace. Still grasping at my need for fairness, I was finally brought to my senses as I read Romans 6:23 which clearly states,
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Living in a fair world equals death to us all; we'd all be on our way to eternal separation from God and light. This definitely puts justice into perspective. However, I am still compelled to ask how we put up with the people who are just plain selfish and out to take advantage of us on a regular basis. How do we deal with them?
With Christ living in us, we have the responsibility and are given the strength to obey his teachings by
'loving your enemies, doing good to those who hate you, blessing those who curse you, and praying for those who spitefully use you.' Luke 6: 27-28
After uncovering all of this, I have decided to retire my quest for fairness and instead teach my son about forgivness, love and how to just...let it go.
Mahatma Ghandi said it best when he stated that,
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
As an adult and especially as a single mom, I've had ample opportunities to rant about how unjust circumstances in life can be. And to be honest, I have let my emotions get the best of me on several occasions as I complained about the injustices of child support or my lack of social freedom or even about how different my body is now that I've had a child. I have struggled with this quest for fairness incessantly.
This 'eye for an eye' concept is surprisingly a biblical command. In Exodus 21: 23-25, God tells his people, the Israelites:
But if any harm follows, then you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe."
A most appealing principle, I have to admit. Especially if it were to apply to recent relationship and parenting situations I've been through lately. But as I read further, I realize that this rule was made before we were saved by God's grace. Still grasping at my need for fairness, I was finally brought to my senses as I read Romans 6:23 which clearly states,
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Living in a fair world equals death to us all; we'd all be on our way to eternal separation from God and light. This definitely puts justice into perspective. However, I am still compelled to ask how we put up with the people who are just plain selfish and out to take advantage of us on a regular basis. How do we deal with them?
With Christ living in us, we have the responsibility and are given the strength to obey his teachings by
'loving your enemies, doing good to those who hate you, blessing those who curse you, and praying for those who spitefully use you.' Luke 6: 27-28
After uncovering all of this, I have decided to retire my quest for fairness and instead teach my son about forgivness, love and how to just...let it go.
Mahatma Ghandi said it best when he stated that,
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."
Monday, February 9, 2009
India.Arie ---NEW ALBUM---Check it out!!
Lately, I've been writing a lot about love, healing and being positive in my blogs. One point I made in a recent blog was to be aware of what you listen to on a regular basis; it affects how you think. Personally, I've made a point to listen to good, uplifting music throughout the day, and I've found that it's changed my entire mood.
I came across India.Arie's music several months ago and I can't stop listening to it. It's packed with powerful words of strength, healing, forgiveness and positivity. Her new album is coming out tomorrow and I encourage you to check it out!! She is most definitely using her singing ability to touch people's lives and bring them closer to God and I'm both uplifted and inspired by it. The words of hope and truth in her music have recently motivated me to use my own talent of writing to share my personal lessons in life and give words of encouragement. May we all be moved to use our talents in life to encourage and inspire the way India does through her music. :)
I came across India.Arie's music several months ago and I can't stop listening to it. It's packed with powerful words of strength, healing, forgiveness and positivity. Her new album is coming out tomorrow and I encourage you to check it out!! She is most definitely using her singing ability to touch people's lives and bring them closer to God and I'm both uplifted and inspired by it. The words of hope and truth in her music have recently motivated me to use my own talent of writing to share my personal lessons in life and give words of encouragement. May we all be moved to use our talents in life to encourage and inspire the way India does through her music. :)
Friday, January 23, 2009
What's LOVE Got to Do With It?
I'm a people watcher. I LOVE to sit back and just watch people be themselves and spout off their opinions. More specifically, I'm fascinated with other people's relationship issues. Maybe it's because my parents divorced after having 7 children and I still have questions about how that's possible. My parents separated when I was 4 years old, so I have no memory of them together, but my older siblings tell stories about how much fun they had together when they were married...how much more carefree they were. Don't get me wrong...my parents are both happy now and they have been wonderful examples to me. It's just that the dissolution of their marriage has made me more reserved about getting married myself.
Over the years, I've seen SO MANY seemingly healthy marriages fall apart. And I'm not just talking about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and other Hollywood breakups. I'm talking about close friends and family members. Marriages that I could have sworn would last forever because the couples started out as best friends.
I've attended my fair share of weddings and I see the beautiful bride with a radiant glow about her as she walks down the aisle to join her proud husband-to-be. They both seem so full of hope and have a confidence that they will be together till death do us part. But then I read the statistics which show that over half of these marriages in America end in divorce. All of this makes me stop and question, what exactly does it take for a couple to go from till death do us part to irreconcilable differences? In a one word summary, LIFE.
For my parents, it was too much separation time because my dad was often deployed around the world as a military officer. For some couples, it might be tough financial situations. Others may separate due to infidelity issues. Still other unions may dissolve due to a lack of common interests and ideals that the couple discovered over time. In each of these circumstances, both of the parties are emotionally scarred by the break up. And often, they don't allow themselves to fully heal and learn from their mistakes before jumping into their NEXT relationship. Thus, they bring their pain, preconceived ideas and distrust...aka baggage...with them; setting themselves up to fail in the new relationship as well.
As a woman who LOVES sappy love songs, as a single momma to the world's sweetest little boy who deserves an excellent and constant father-figure in his life someday, and as an optimist; I believe in the truly together forever marriage. This requires a love that surpasses human emotion or sometimes understanding. It demands agape love which is the type of love that God has for us...unconditional love. As I read the biblical passage of I Corinthians 13:4-8, I become hopeful.
"Love is patient and is kind. Love does not envy; love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS."
This passage is not only a guide of what I am to look for in a potential life partner, but what I am to aspire to be myself. With a love this pure and a healthy understanding that no one is perfect, my reservations about life-long marriage are minimizing.
Over the years, I've seen SO MANY seemingly healthy marriages fall apart. And I'm not just talking about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and other Hollywood breakups. I'm talking about close friends and family members. Marriages that I could have sworn would last forever because the couples started out as best friends.
I've attended my fair share of weddings and I see the beautiful bride with a radiant glow about her as she walks down the aisle to join her proud husband-to-be. They both seem so full of hope and have a confidence that they will be together till death do us part. But then I read the statistics which show that over half of these marriages in America end in divorce. All of this makes me stop and question, what exactly does it take for a couple to go from till death do us part to irreconcilable differences? In a one word summary, LIFE.
For my parents, it was too much separation time because my dad was often deployed around the world as a military officer. For some couples, it might be tough financial situations. Others may separate due to infidelity issues. Still other unions may dissolve due to a lack of common interests and ideals that the couple discovered over time. In each of these circumstances, both of the parties are emotionally scarred by the break up. And often, they don't allow themselves to fully heal and learn from their mistakes before jumping into their NEXT relationship. Thus, they bring their pain, preconceived ideas and distrust...aka baggage...with them; setting themselves up to fail in the new relationship as well.
As a woman who LOVES sappy love songs, as a single momma to the world's sweetest little boy who deserves an excellent and constant father-figure in his life someday, and as an optimist; I believe in the truly together forever marriage. This requires a love that surpasses human emotion or sometimes understanding. It demands agape love which is the type of love that God has for us...unconditional love. As I read the biblical passage of I Corinthians 13:4-8, I become hopeful.
"Love is patient and is kind. Love does not envy; love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. LOVE NEVER FAILS."
This passage is not only a guide of what I am to look for in a potential life partner, but what I am to aspire to be myself. With a love this pure and a healthy understanding that no one is perfect, my reservations about life-long marriage are minimizing.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Taking the High Road
Single parents...this one's for you!!
Without going into great detail about my personal life, let's just say I'm currently going through the child support application process. I'm a peaceful person by nature and I decided when my son was born that I would set aside all of my anger, resentment and vindictive actions toward my ex and just allow my son and his dad to develop their own relationship. It's worked fairly well so far. My son is completely content in his individual relationships he shares with both his father and me.
As any parent in my situation would know, it often takes so much mental and emotional strength to share a peaceful parenting relationship while at the same time taking precautions to make sure the other party doesn't walk all over you. It can be a daily power struggle over minor details. I can't count the number of times I've felt compelled to make a vengeful parenting decision that I believed would be completely justified because of how my son's father "wronged" me in the past. I've also been chastized numerous times by both friends and family members for "being too nice" and accommodating to my ex's parenting requests and demands.
So I began to wonder, where does a single parent find that balance of strength and meekness when dealing with a somewhat controlling and manipulative counterpart?
The biblical principle found in Ephesians 5:1-2 has become my guide to effective co-parenting with a person who often shares different values and opinions than me as we raise our son. This passage instructs us to "be imitators of God..." and to "walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us..." When I attempt to walk in love as Christ did, the strength and meekness seem to co-exist. My words and actions toward my son's father have become more confident yet compliant; this powerful combination has minimized his control over my life while at the same time it's allowed him to have a more individual relationship with his son. A win-win situation.
I do still encounter little power struggles every now and again. And as hard as it may be sometimes to walk in love toward your child's other parent, your son/daughter will be so much more content if they know that their parents can work together even if they are no longer in a relationship. My parents divorced when I was about 4 years old. I have absolutely no recollection of either one of them "bad-mouthing" the other throughout my entire lifetime. I appreciate their self-control and I believe I am a more peaceful, positive person today because they had the discretion to abstain from spewing slanderous accusations about each other to their children.
My parents also taught me to pray for things I wanted in life. So, I have decided to pass along this important lesson to my son as well. We pray every night for peace between him, his dad and me. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Even if his father and I don't agree on some parenting issues, I have the responsibility to raise my son with morals and standards and a healthy respect and love for God.
Minnesota State Representative, David Bly once said, "Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be." If I want my son to become a content, peaceful and confident man, I have to make a priority to work with his father to build a cohesive parenting plan which is based on peace, compromise and communication.
Separated parenting may not be the ideal situation for raising a child, but consistent, cooperative parenting can still result in the making of a highly successful, healthy and happy man or woman.
Without going into great detail about my personal life, let's just say I'm currently going through the child support application process. I'm a peaceful person by nature and I decided when my son was born that I would set aside all of my anger, resentment and vindictive actions toward my ex and just allow my son and his dad to develop their own relationship. It's worked fairly well so far. My son is completely content in his individual relationships he shares with both his father and me.
As any parent in my situation would know, it often takes so much mental and emotional strength to share a peaceful parenting relationship while at the same time taking precautions to make sure the other party doesn't walk all over you. It can be a daily power struggle over minor details. I can't count the number of times I've felt compelled to make a vengeful parenting decision that I believed would be completely justified because of how my son's father "wronged" me in the past. I've also been chastized numerous times by both friends and family members for "being too nice" and accommodating to my ex's parenting requests and demands.
So I began to wonder, where does a single parent find that balance of strength and meekness when dealing with a somewhat controlling and manipulative counterpart?
The biblical principle found in Ephesians 5:1-2 has become my guide to effective co-parenting with a person who often shares different values and opinions than me as we raise our son. This passage instructs us to "be imitators of God..." and to "walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us..." When I attempt to walk in love as Christ did, the strength and meekness seem to co-exist. My words and actions toward my son's father have become more confident yet compliant; this powerful combination has minimized his control over my life while at the same time it's allowed him to have a more individual relationship with his son. A win-win situation.
I do still encounter little power struggles every now and again. And as hard as it may be sometimes to walk in love toward your child's other parent, your son/daughter will be so much more content if they know that their parents can work together even if they are no longer in a relationship. My parents divorced when I was about 4 years old. I have absolutely no recollection of either one of them "bad-mouthing" the other throughout my entire lifetime. I appreciate their self-control and I believe I am a more peaceful, positive person today because they had the discretion to abstain from spewing slanderous accusations about each other to their children.
My parents also taught me to pray for things I wanted in life. So, I have decided to pass along this important lesson to my son as well. We pray every night for peace between him, his dad and me. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Even if his father and I don't agree on some parenting issues, I have the responsibility to raise my son with morals and standards and a healthy respect and love for God.
Minnesota State Representative, David Bly once said, "Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be." If I want my son to become a content, peaceful and confident man, I have to make a priority to work with his father to build a cohesive parenting plan which is based on peace, compromise and communication.
Separated parenting may not be the ideal situation for raising a child, but consistent, cooperative parenting can still result in the making of a highly successful, healthy and happy man or woman.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Powerful Words and Thoughts
Seems like everywhere you turn these days, there's ALWAYS someone complaining about something. The most common complaint at the moment of course is the economy. So we've probably ALL been affected in some way by our dwindling economy, right? Did you lose your job or get a pay cut? Perhaps you didn't get your Christmas bonus this year. Or maybe your house went into foreclosure because you weren't able to afford mortgage payments anymore.
During this time, I've found that it's so easy to let our thoughts and words bring us down even further. It's much simpler to surround ourselves with people who enable us to wallow in self-pity instead of finding friends who will encourage us to think of ideas that will help us overcome our struggles.
Growing up, I was taught that the tongue and the mind were both EXTREMELY powerful tools. Books like "PsychoCybernetics," "The Power of Positive Thinking" and "Hung By the Tongue" taught me that these two tools could either bring us ABUNDANT LIFE or PREMATURE DEATH, depending on how we used them. I also learned that WHO and WHAT you listen to affect how you think.
All of these teachings came rushing back to me these past couple years as I found myself constantly complaining about my personal situations in life. Everyday, I'd go to work or call up a family member and just start COMPLAINING about something. But then the question hit me...WHO WANTS TO BE AROUND SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS COMPLAINING?! I sure didn't. A person like that just doesn't make you feel good; often they start to bring you down with them.
So, after listening to a VERY wise woman (my mother...who else?), I decided to become a grateful person. This changed my life. No matter what your circumstance may be, there's ALWAYS something to be thankful for. I put aside my anger, bitterness & resentment and began to count my blessings. When I started looking at the positive aspects of my life...it helped me start problem-solving. Willie Nelson once said,
"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."
And this philosophy has transformed my life. It's helped me become a better mother to Roo, a better friend, a WAY BETTER employee & a more confident person inside. I'm not ALWAYS positive and chipper, but if I'm having "just one of those days," I know that I have terrific friends and family members who can speak uplifting words of encouragement and bring me right back up. :)
During this time, I've found that it's so easy to let our thoughts and words bring us down even further. It's much simpler to surround ourselves with people who enable us to wallow in self-pity instead of finding friends who will encourage us to think of ideas that will help us overcome our struggles.
Growing up, I was taught that the tongue and the mind were both EXTREMELY powerful tools. Books like "PsychoCybernetics," "The Power of Positive Thinking" and "Hung By the Tongue" taught me that these two tools could either bring us ABUNDANT LIFE or PREMATURE DEATH, depending on how we used them. I also learned that WHO and WHAT you listen to affect how you think.
All of these teachings came rushing back to me these past couple years as I found myself constantly complaining about my personal situations in life. Everyday, I'd go to work or call up a family member and just start COMPLAINING about something. But then the question hit me...WHO WANTS TO BE AROUND SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS COMPLAINING?! I sure didn't. A person like that just doesn't make you feel good; often they start to bring you down with them.
So, after listening to a VERY wise woman (my mother...who else?), I decided to become a grateful person. This changed my life. No matter what your circumstance may be, there's ALWAYS something to be thankful for. I put aside my anger, bitterness & resentment and began to count my blessings. When I started looking at the positive aspects of my life...it helped me start problem-solving. Willie Nelson once said,
"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results."
And this philosophy has transformed my life. It's helped me become a better mother to Roo, a better friend, a WAY BETTER employee & a more confident person inside. I'm not ALWAYS positive and chipper, but if I'm having "just one of those days," I know that I have terrific friends and family members who can speak uplifting words of encouragement and bring me right back up. :)
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