Taking the High Road

Single parents...this one's for you!!


Without going into great detail about my personal life, let's just say I'm currently going through the child support application process. I'm a peaceful person by nature and I decided when my son was born that I would set aside all of my anger, resentment and vindictive actions toward my ex and just allow my son and his dad to develop their own relationship. It's worked fairly well so far. My son is completely content in his individual relationships he shares with both his father and me.


As any parent in my situation would know, it often takes so much mental and emotional strength to share a peaceful parenting relationship while at the same time taking precautions to make sure the other party doesn't walk all over you. It can be a daily power struggle over minor details. I can't count the number of times I've felt compelled to make a vengeful parenting decision that I believed would be completely justified because of how my son's father "wronged" me in the past. I've also been chastized numerous times by both friends and family members for "being too nice" and accommodating to my ex's parenting requests and demands.


So I began to wonder, where does a single parent find that balance of strength and meekness when dealing with a somewhat controlling and manipulative counterpart?


The biblical principle found in Ephesians 5:1-2 has become my guide to effective co-parenting with a person who often shares different values and opinions than me as we raise our son. This passage instructs us to "be imitators of God..." and to "walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us..." When I attempt to walk in love as Christ did, the strength and meekness seem to co-exist. My words and actions toward my son's father have become more confident yet compliant; this powerful combination has minimized his control over my life while at the same time it's allowed him to have a more individual relationship with his son. A win-win situation.


I do still encounter little power struggles every now and again. And as hard as it may be sometimes to walk in love toward your child's other parent, your son/daughter will be so much more content if they know that their parents can work together even if they are no longer in a relationship. My parents divorced when I was about 4 years old. I have absolutely no recollection of either one of them "bad-mouthing" the other throughout my entire lifetime. I appreciate their self-control and I believe I am a more peaceful, positive person today because they had the discretion to abstain from spewing slanderous accusations about each other to their children.


My parents also taught me to pray for things I wanted in life. So, I have decided to pass along this important lesson to my son as well. We pray every night for peace between him, his dad and me. Proverbs 22:6 tells us to, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Even if his father and I don't agree on some parenting issues, I have the responsibility to raise my son with morals and standards and a healthy respect and love for God.

Minnesota State Representative, David Bly once said, "Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be." If I want my son to become a content, peaceful and confident man, I have to make a priority to work with his father to build a cohesive parenting plan which is based on peace, compromise and communication.

Separated parenting may not be the ideal situation for raising a child, but consistent, cooperative parenting can still result in the making of a highly successful, healthy and happy man or woman.